The Non-Mono Perspective

and-bisexual:

tacticalvisors:

no one ever talks about how being fat intersects with being gay and/or being trans. fat people are unequivocally given less access to their OWN gayness and/or their OWN transness: we cannot be shamelessly gay, or shamelessly trans in a way even remotely similar to fit lgbt folk. we are denied that experience not only by straight people–because we are viewed as repulsive not only for being lgbt but for also being fat– but we are denied it by our own community, too.

but who cares about the fat lesbians and wlw who are told they are only lesbians because they “can’t attract a man.” or the fat trans women who are denied their own gender, who others consider to not be “feminine enough” because we’re all told that fat is not feminine, it is not womanly. the fat trans man who is too short and too round and too soft to be considered a man, who is also denied his transness because “clearly you’re only uncomfortable because you’re fat.” the fat gay man who struggles feeling comfortable in his own skin going to spaces where he’s supposed to be welcomed, all because he doesn’t fit the Right Aesthetic.

honestly fuck all the people who turn a blind eye to this. 

don’t toss “and wlw” in posts as a momentary attempt to include bi people, though! we need the larger community to really stop and think about our separate culture and experiences.

Most of the time, we’re treated like appendixes – like this, like we have the same experiences as our gay counterparts and all that’s needed to include us is to add “and wlw”.

Not only is that appropriating AAVE terms, but it means that our experiences end up getting erased, so no one knows what resources we need. Like that article recently that said “73% of lesbians and bi women” are afraid to come out at work… but if you looked at the source they cited, it was actually 50% of lesbians and 89% of bi women. We could really use that awareness.

In this case, I think, we shouldn’t be included at all, or should be included as a counterpoint to show what it could be like for other people.

Because IME, the bi community and bi culture are extremely fat-positive.

When I think of bi leaders, I think of people like Brenda Howard, fat and proud.

I think of the NOLOSE fat-positivity convention, and the fact that everyone I know who volunteers with them or serves on their board is bi/pan.

I think of the old bi magazine Anything That Moves, and what a range of sizes it pictured positively within its pages.

I google “fatphobia in the bi community,” and find dozens of posts where gay people talk about fatphobia in the gay male community… and a handful of posts where bi people, asked about body image issues in the bi community, talk about how the bi community seems to be centered around not policing or overemphasizing people’s bodies and trying to celebrate everyone.

And, of course, bi women are probably not getting told very often that they’re “only lesbians because they can’t attract a man.”

TL;DR: I think this is an area where being bi is *culturally* very different, and I think we all lose out when that is accidentally erased.

(via and-bisexual)